New Year's Resoultions--For Your Cat
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New Year's Resoultions--For Your Cat
December 28, 2012


CAT Stanley Offers Tips to His Fellow Felines on Increasing Their Status With Humans

With the New Year around the corner, I have decided to think about what I could do to make myself a better pet. But I feel that “resolution” is too strong a word. I am a cat and therefore have many desirable pet attributes such as my soft fur and calming purr.  So while I’m not considering anything major, some minor adjustments could improve my standing in the household. 

I would recommend the following list of five small changes to any cat wishing to raise their esteem and standing in the family ranking to something closer to the status we felines once held in ancient Egypt where we were worshiped as gods… a societal position to which I would like to return. 

1.       Play with your people every day. I know, they may not need that much attention, but the goofy antics of the dog seem to please them. So in order to elevate your status this is a must. Besides, I hear it’s great exercise, and we could all afford to lose an ounce or two after the holidays. 

2.       Learn to love your carrier. This is important and may take a little time, but your carrier is your safe ticket to getting out of the house more frequently. It will also make trips out of the house less stressful for you, which you have to admit would be nice. The first step is to have your person watch this video, and in no time you will be ready and willing to hop in your carrier at a moment’s notice!

3.       Take more outings. I understand that disrupting your nap schedule is a daunting undertaking, but I assure you that mastering the art of walking on a leash and getting outside with your people is great fun. One extra advantage of being seen outside is this: People will fawn all over a cat on a leash because, while it’s a common sight when it comes to dogs, seeing a cat on a leash is a rare treat for humans. Think of all the head massages and attention! I actually enjoy boat rides with my person frequently.  And if I can do that, you can certainly take a stroll on a lovely day. 

4.       Learn a trick. If our status is to be elevated, we must be considered at least as smart as dogs and doing tricks--at least one simple trick--would help people see how smart we really are. Your people already have a suspicion that you understand every word they are saying, so prove it by letting them teach you a trick.

5.       Take better care of yourself. Watch what you eat and schedule a veterinary appointment if you haven’t been to the doctor in the past six months. Preventive health care is the secret to a long and happy life.

Cats unite! Let’s make 2013 the year cats began elevating our status and reclaiming our special place in the world. We all must work together to make this dream a reality. So do your part and resolve to take on these five simple steps to stay happy, healthy and deservedly revered. 

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